Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Asteroids Floating Around the Web

OK, ok, I know some of you have seen this drivel before, especially those who have more than two or three friends who forward uselessly inane hoaxes and hoopla and so-called "humor," i.e., smarmy detritus that's been floating around the asteroid belt of the World Wide Schleb. But why not? It's the dog days of August. President Bush and half of Europe are on vacation, so here goes, thanks to friend Phil in Eugene for keeping me so enlightened and informed.

Herewith, just a sampling of asteroids that came by...

>- Toilet Seat -

> It isn't widely known, but the first toilet seat was invented by a Polish scientist in the 18th century. The invention was later modified by a Jewish inventor who put a hole in the seat.


>- Government Emblem -

> The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a condom because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom stands up to inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that.


>- Ten Commandments -

> The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a Courthouse! You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" and "Thou Shall Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians! It creates a hostile work environment.


> - Zero Gravity -

> When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Your tax dollars at work, and we now accept VISA and MasterCard.


>- Our Constitution -

> "They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq. Why don't we just give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it's worked for over 200 years, and hell, we're not using it anymore."


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