Thursday, February 17, 2005

Post Valentine's flinty days


Some Valentine's are more successful, more bountiful and kissingly blissful than others. Maybe some Valentine's for some of us are like Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's are for so many - a holiday that rolls around once a year (with a certain amount of headiness and DREAD) to take us on a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, on the one hand encouraging us to share our affections openly, on the other reminding ourselves and our significant others of our troubling 'wanting to be wanted,' eager to please and 'cain't get no/satisfaction..." As for the pinch and prick of Valentine's - what seems to so many NOT like Cupid's arrow but more like a double-edged sword. Thus, Valentine's can bring into sharp relief our desires and disappointments.

And hey, these flinty gray/gun metal blue days of February don't help.

A holiday for whimsical expressions of love and romance seems more like an tiny island in a sea of harsh realities in this course and crass country. Delicacy and grace just aren't our strongsuits. We're more often than not slapped down for seeming "needy". It seems the luckiest people are not, in America, the people who need people. It seems, as much as we might desire closeness and declarations of attraction, when it gets right down to it, we often have the urge to turn away as our flinty gray independent streaks kick in.

Some of us take the risk, above and beyond, to express our deep needs and wishes anyway - our earnest neediness going against the grain of this get-yours nation. I'm not sure many of us even trust undue generosity, gifts from afar or far afield, even just verbally "purple" sentiments. Us romantic idealists find ourselves adrift far from the suspicions and machinations of modern romance, set apart from the hucksters, the pros, the resume-sifting headhunters (yuppie romantics???) and other flinty-hearted connivers who feel that even an acquaintance's "inconvenience" or lack of proximity is excuse enough to go dead with silence. He or she's just not that into you? Well, maybe he or she is just not that into manners. Manners - regal manners - matter more than most know or are willing to acknowledge. Partly because it might seem such manners are too old-fashioned or naive or too much work. Well, good things are good work, and that shouldn't go out of fashion.

Irony and distrust and distance (and virtual threads - more irony) have eroded our goodness and silted in the depths of our goodness. Time to do good deeds for our hearts and our friends, dredge up the good, rich river bottom...

And make a gray day shine.


At 2/18/2005 9:24 AM, Blogger ~ Mistress Eve said...

I shall first state that, yes, I am a romantic. Romance and passion breathe fire into our being and ignite those hard to reach places.

BUT ...

I disagree with the concept of Valentines Day. I do not think that you need a specific holiday to dote on your loved ones and to invite romance into your life. I think that should happen on a much more regular basis.

"V" Day has become so commercialized in this country. Big business has turned every holiday into one big money-making scheme (Example: Christmas regalia being brought out and sold in October now). I try not to participate anymore. How can I when it disgusts me so?

We have also turned people into greedy hounds. People, women especially, EXPECT to get gifts and extra things on holidays, especially "V" Day. It pushes people into spending money when they may not have it to spend, which gives into the commercialization of this day. Why not surprise your loved one when you have the money to do so and as often as you please?

A few weeks ago my husband brought me home a dozen roses two weeks in a row. I was surprised, and happy. It was nice. I prefer that much more to a planned holiday.

P.S. - Thanks for posting on my blog. I replied to you, by the way. :)

At 2/18/2005 9:50 AM, Blogger Lawrence said...

Yes, M. Eve.... I think surprises are good, and obviously I appreciate flamboyant and ritualized displays of affection. That is the good aspect of Valentine's, that it reminds millions who need reminding that rituals are GOOOOOOD. Then, it's up to them to expand on that and make life a richer and more personal feast.

Eve, as you suggest: don't just do as little as you can get away with. Do more for those who put up with and deserve the most. Be generous verbally and expressively as if this were a short and finite life. It is.

At 10/30/2005 2:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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At 11/04/2005 12:50 AM, Blogger Pat Martin said...

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