News of the Afeared

Turd Blossom. There. I said it. Some newspaper editors axed and even edited (!) Gary Trudeau's "Doonesbury" this week to cut out or even shield from their readers' eyes a perfectly suitable reference to President Bush's real-life nickname for Karl Rove - "Turd Blossom." Neither one of those guys is smelling too sweet these days.

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I have this idea that men are, generally, making a mess of politics and (especially) warfare around the world. I'm thinking, a la Harvard's Pres. Lawrence Summers, that well-trained men have an edge on rational and scientific thinking, while, I suggest, capable and astute women have an edge when it comes to legislating and diplomacy - they'd be much better at homeland security, helping others to make their homelands secure, not stripped and sold down the pipeline, that's what I say. So I say kick a goodly bunch of the men out of Congress and the White House (vote 'em OUT, ladies) and make them researchers and advisors. keep those male egos in check; make 'em bend over for the executive femmes. Let the women make the laws and forge the civil compromises on which civilization and justice depend. When they seal that treaty with a kiss, I want to see lipstick on it.

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And speaking of which... In a recent report, Amnesty International openly proposed that, because the Bush administration has egregiously abused international laws and treaties, President Bush, VP Dick and Def. Sec. Rummy should be arrested for war crimes. Sounds reasonably, but by who? Locally, stateside, by the Attorney General, I suppose. Fat chance there, with torchure-OKer Gonzales holding that seat. AI even went so far as to suggest that foreign countries might arrest any of the three if they stepped into their jurisdictions. Go Russia, go France, now we're gonna see Cheney's underpants. Yep, THAT would be a poker game. Can you say "nukes?" Sure you can. I bet you'd see the KGB hounds of our freedom-loving, law-abiding empire hunting down a prime minister or even a whole parliament real fast.

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Jon Stewart has a new desk he's making fun of, but it's symbolic of the new emphasis "The Daily Show" has taken since moving to its new studio and set. Stewart's interviews are noticeably longer and more indepth. He's giving his guests more of a chance to say something substantial. And Jon's not quite as much the crack up as before with a guest at the table. The couch slouching is out. The 'Meet the Cable Crowd' table is in. But for those of you who used to snort your beer while getting your nightly fix, you still can in the first half of the show. Nothing on television is more "must see" funny than Stewart and company.

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American's take more meds than any other nation on Earth. Second place goes to France, but we take 18% more than France does. Last year, Americans spent as much on meds as they did on gasoline: $250 billion in sales equals $850 for every American. Adverse drug reactions are reported at the rate of about 420,000 a year. More than 100,000 Americans die each year from medication screw-ups. And recent studies show that few new meds save lives or even work any better than their cheaper and more time-tested counterparts. P.S., why do drugs cost so much more in the U.S. than elsewhere? Our general affluence, of course. But that's not the bulk of the gouge. It's advertising. In 1989, the pharmaceutical industry spent just $12 million advertising to consumers. Last year, the industry spent MORE THAN $4 BILLION advertising to you. And WHO pays? Ouch. Take two store-brand aspirin or a couple of fluoxitines (generic Prozac), and DON'T call your health care provider in the morning.

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Target stores placed an ad in many Sunday newspapers saying it would no longer be selling the violent (and now prurient) video game "Grand Theft Auto: San Adreas." Seems all that murderous mayhem only got the game a "mature" rating, acceptable to many retailers. But the newly tricked sex scenes have upped the ante to an "adult" rating. It seems one seedy sex scene is more shocking than hour upon hour of salacious slaughter.

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And in related news today, The New York Times reports in a front page story that a brutish hobby called "cage fighting" is making a comback in the mid-sized towns of the midwest and plains states, 'where there's not much else to do.' This fist-fight frenzy is about as crude and crass as it sounds. Who expects the Ahhhnold Inquisition? Doesn't sound like the kind of event - even in the parking lot of a classy bar - to which I'd take a date. And this'll make you want to drink French beer - Budweiser is a proud (or at least prominent) sponsor of these cage fights.

What a country.