God's, Er, Bush's Plan

Bush and company called it "shock and awe" (or should that be capitalized, as if it were really the official name of an American product, as in Coca-Cola... Shock and Awe? Ugh.)

Anyway, for better or worse - and we have seen plenty of the latter, btw - it was "shock and awe" (I'll stick to the lower case for now). But I think I've belatedly discovered that Bush and Company's real plan was - and you heard it here first - SHAKE AND BAKE.

Just bomb the muslim (lower case) fuckers, and ignore global warming. First, shake the shit out of their "mud huts" (see "Crash" for an in context use of that little phrase). Then, more insidiously, just bake the fuck out of them by pouring on the gas. (More huge SUVs pass me on the highway than do cars. I drive a spritely little BMW that gets a respectable 33 mpg and and can feel pretty good on the highway, but still the humongous SUVs push and shove and pass like crazy.) Cook the planet, starting with the tropics and Africa and the Middle East. That'll bake their brains, and they'll go nuts, just start shooting each other and going Mideval (capitalized) on each other. That'll take care of it, and in the meantime, we (as in Halliburton, Defense Contractors WE) can clean up on the No Bid Contracts Dished Out Left and Especially RIGHT in the Eternal War on Terror.

I don't think anyone was shocked when Bush and company started dropping bombs on Bagdhad three years ago. Heck, some of us saw that coming from the moment W. announced his candidacy for the Kingship. And I don't think anybody was really awed by those dim pictures on cable of the fireworks that followed. Just a billion here, a billion there. pretty soon you're talking a real armed conflict.

No, Bush's Big Plan is a lot closer to Shake and Bake.